Since April 10, 2011 not only my life changed but my body took a toll.... I can still remember the moment I received the phone call the day Jamie was shot, then the first time I would see him in the hospital. paralyzed from the chest down... I can still feel the shock that surged my body the first time he opened his eyes and screamed in agony.. I can remember every single moment of the eleven months I spent in the hospital with him, the moments we laughed, the moments we cried and the moments I just sat in a chair next to his bed giving thanks to God for letting him make it home to American soil.
For eleven long months my senses were heightened, not only did I have to care for myself, I had to care for my husband, my daughters and those around me... because it just came natural. My body constantly changed with out me even noticing and beyond my control. The day Jamie died, my body once again changed.. this time my mind let it go numb and not feel pain. My body allowed my head to be held high knowing that my husband was willing to die for his country with honor. My body allowed me to smile when the sun shined, the wind blew and the rain fell from the heavens, knowing I was able to live a life denied to many. While my body enjoyed the sheer moments of heaven when the sun shined, my mind stayed in the last moments of Jamie's life lingering, hoping that if I worked hard enough, helped more and gave my life selflessly just like Jamie served his country, maybe he could come home from this deployment and I could wake up from this dream. Maybe I could right all the wrongs in our lives by stopping my life and giving hope to others who lost it. Maybe, each day after Jamie took his last breath, my body died a little bit at a time and before I even knew it I was dead inside. Answering each call of distress from a wounded warrior, veteran or family members in a moments notice, watching as a little boy held his Iraqi Veteran father's hand while his dad laid in severe pain from depleted uranium, hearing the screams of a young wife begging her soldier not to take his life, looking into the eyes of a marine struggling with survivors guilt knowing he can't see me, consoling a wounded warrior's mother within hours of her receiving the heart wrenching phone call of her daughter being injured. Yea, you can say my body took a toll, but I made that decision to let it. At any time I could have walked away, I had the choice to make and I chose to stay. I chose to accept the hardships, the struggles and help carry the burden. I would make the same choice a thousands times over to serve, to help and to live my life the same way knowing that I can do something, no one ever did for Jamie and I .. I can choose to give hope. My body will heal, I am able to walk, talk, breathe and eat on my own.. there are many who can not do any of those let alone one of those. . Tonight, I am in the comforts of my own home resting with family and friends healing after a day of successful surgery and I feel blessed. There are no words to express the gratitude I have to each and everyone of you for your well wishes, love and ongoing support. It is because of you each day I am able to wake up knowing a difference can be made and a life can be changed. Isn't life a beautiful thing?
6 Comments
Theresa Zenz
1/26/2015 10:19:18 am
Melissa glad you are home resting and taking it easy. Let the family and friends take care of you. Rest is what you need right now my friend. We as Army moms and Warrior's say that's order. Lol. You will be in my thoughts and prayers for a quick recovery. We love you bunches. Hugs and God bless.
Reply
Julie Roper
1/26/2015 10:32:11 am
As an Army Veteran, I commend you and all that you do for the veterans. I so love reading your posts. I will keep you in my prayers to heal quickly. You are a beautiful and loving person.
Reply
1/26/2015 10:41:48 am
I admire you in so many ways for so many reasons. I have followed your story since day 1. I am from a military family and I know so many who have loved and lost. I honestly don't know how you are so strong but you make me think there is hope for this world. Not enough words can express the gratitude I have for you or respect. Thank you is nearly not enough but a start. God Bless you sweetie and may God heal you 🙏
Reply
Kimberly Golden
1/26/2015 10:43:31 am
God bless you for all that you do for everyone, you are such an amazing woman. Praying for a speedy recovery!
Reply
Valentina
1/26/2015 04:03:27 pm
Glad you're home and doing well. I really truly admire your strength and everything you do for so many people, you're suchba wonderful woman and it would be an honor to meet you one day. I understand exactly why you do what you and always taking care of others and putting yourself last, as someone who's gone through a lot in life, I know how the pain from all can take a toll on you, just make sure that while being the wonderful person you are by taking care of everyone, make sure you also take care of you. Lots of love and prayers for a speedy recovery.
Reply
Alicia
1/27/2015 11:39:23 am
I'm so proud of all you do and stand for and the sacrifices you have made that may go unnoticed. I wish I could help others as much as you do. Even your stories and this journal will help others. Get well soon; my prayers are with you.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMy name is Melissa Jarboe, military spouse, wounded warrior wife and war widow. Today and everyday moving forward, I will honor the sacrifice of our men and women who selflessly serve our nation. Archives
February 2017
Categories
All
|